I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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