All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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