someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
