you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
