"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.