I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye