He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.