There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
