yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
