So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
