yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
