You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
