Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
