yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
