i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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