i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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