I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
