After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Houston, we have a blender
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
