I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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