im holly from the hills drunk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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