Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
