I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
