we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
