stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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