New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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