I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
