I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
