Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
