Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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