she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
