You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
