Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
