so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize