You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
