He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
