I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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