apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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