escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Someone came in the potted fern
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
