My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
