i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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