dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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