I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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