In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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