Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
