I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
