Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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