we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
