If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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