I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
