Don't make out with my wife yet
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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