Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize