perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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