So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You dont lie about slip and slides
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
