Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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