Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
