I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
