My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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