Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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