ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
