He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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