Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
