Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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