Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
