I can't breathe out the right side of my face
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
