Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I have demons in me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
