i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
