I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
