I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
