Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
