The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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