3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
