you guys were way drunker than both of me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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