Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
