the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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