It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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