I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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