Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
