Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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