I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
