I feel great
I just peed on a car
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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