Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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