and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
