he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
