he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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