Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
