You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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