its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize