its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
