Ambien. No doubt about it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize